A Warrior Exiled By The Hero And His Lover Wiki

Okay, so grab your latte, because we need to talk. Remember Gareth? Big guy, sword that could cleave a mountain? Yeah, that Gareth. Well, apparently, he's public enemy number one now, according to the all-knowing (and sometimes terrifyingly accurate) Hero and His Lover Wiki.

Exiled. Can you even imagine? I mean, the guy used to be, like, the sidekick. Loyal, strong, always ready to jump in front of a dragon for the Hero. So, what happened?

That, my friend, is where the fun begins.

The Allegations (and the Wiki's Wild Theories)

The Wiki… bless its cotton socks… claims Gareth was exiled for "conduct unbecoming a heroic ally." Which, let’s be honest, could mean anything. Did he snore too loudly during camping trips? Did he accidentally set the Hero's favorite tunic on fire? Did he use all the good toilet paper? The Wiki doesn't specify, naturally. It just throws that vague accusation out there and leaves us all dangling.

But then, *then* things get juicy.

They insinuate – and I use that word *very* deliberately – that Gareth harbored… *feelings*… for the Hero. Gasp! And that, supposedly, his “unbecoming conduct” stemmed from jealousy of the Hero's oh-so-perfect lover.

Seriously? Jealousy? Of the Lover? Don't get me wrong, the Lover's great. Bakes excellent cookies, apparently. But come on, Gareth was built like a brick house and could probably bench press a small village. Wouldn't *he* be the jealous one if the situation were reversed?

The Evidence (or Lack Thereof)

The Wiki cites "unconfirmed rumors" and "witness accounts of strained silences" as proof. Strained silences! Like, have they ever been on a camping trip with anyone? Sometimes, you just run out of things to say, especially when you're facing down a griffin.

And “unconfirmed rumors?” That’s their big gotcha moment? I’ve heard more reliable gossip from the town crier after happy hour!

Honestly, it all feels a little flimsy, doesn’t it?

Gareth's Side of the Story (Probably)

Now, Gareth hasn't exactly given a tell-all interview. Probably holed up in some mountain cabin, sharpening his sword and muttering about "fake news." But if I had to guess, I’d say the truth is a little more complicated.

Maybe there was a disagreement. Maybe Gareth questioned the Hero's battle strategy. Maybe – and this is just a wild guess – maybe he accidentally called the Lover by the wrong name. We've all been there, right? Right?

And let's not forget, the Hero and the Lover are, well, *the Hero and the Lover.* They're practically royalty. Who's going to take the side of the big, gruff warrior over the golden couple?

The Verdict (From Your Truly)

Here's my take: Gareth got a raw deal. Was he perfect? Probably not. Did he deserve to be exiled and vilified by the Hero and His Lover Wiki? Absolutely not.

I mean, think about it. Gareth probably saved the Hero's bacon, like, a million times. And this is how he’s repaid? It just doesn’t seem fair.

So, next time you're browsing the Wiki and see Gareth's name smeared across the page, remember this conversation. Remember the strained silences, the unconfirmed rumors, and the questionable motivations. Remember that there are always two sides to every story – and sometimes, even a hero can be wrong.

Maybe it's time someone started a "Justice for Gareth" campaign. Who's with me?

And on that note, refills are on me. This gossip session has made me parched!