I Became The Villainess In A Disastrous Novel

Okay, so you know how sometimes you're just chilling, maybe drinking a questionable amount of coffee, and suddenly, BAM! Your life decides to take a detour into Crazy Town? Well, that's basically what happened to me, except instead of Crazy Town, I landed in… a disastrous novel.

From Reader to Resident Evil (Sort Of)

Let me explain. I was obsessed, obsessed I tell you, with this trashy romance novel. You know the type: glittering ballrooms, swoon-worthy princes, and a plot thicker than peanut butter. The only problem? The female lead was as exciting as watching paint dry, and the villainess, oh honey, she had all the charisma. I was practically rooting for her to win! Of course, in these stories, the villainess always gets the short end of the stick. Think tragic backstory, terrible decisions, and a final comeuppance that's more humiliating than actually dying. You know, the works. So, naturally, she was my favorite.

Then one day, after a particularly intense chapter where the villainess got humiliated by a rogue pigeon, I woke up… as her. Yup. That villainess. The one with the questionable fashion sense and the even more questionable life choices. Cue the internal screaming.

The Initial Panic (and Wardrobe Malfunction)

My first few moments were a blur of silk, confusion, and a growing sense of dread. Imagine waking up and realizing your wardrobe consists entirely of corsets and gowns that weigh more than your car. I swear, I nearly suffocated from lack of oxygen before I even formulated a coherent thought. And don’t even get me started on the hair. I’m a ponytail and jeans kinda gal, not a "tower of curls held together by sheer willpower and an ungodly amount of hairspray" kinda gal. It was… an experience.

Here’s a quick breakdown of my initial impressions:

• Pros: Access to a ridiculous amount of wealth, a castle (sort of drafty, but still!), and servants who basically worship the ground I walk on. Also, the food was amazing. Like, seriously, Michelin-star amazing.
• Cons: The aforementioned corsets, the knowledge that my character was destined for a spectacularly awful fate, and the constant pressure to maintain a reputation as the “Ice Queen” of the social scene. Plus, the prince, oh god the prince, was even more bland in person.

Operation: Rewrite My Destiny (and Maybe Find a Decent Outfit)

Okay, so I wasn’t about to just sit back and let my character’s terrible fate unfold. I had to take action! Operation: Rewrite My Destiny was officially launched. The first step? Ditching the villainous persona. Or at least, softening it around the edges. Think less "evil mastermind," more "misunderstood socialite with a penchant for dramatic entrances."

This was easier said than done. People had *expectations*. They *wanted* me to be a terrible person! There were whispers of me poisoning the royal goldfish (I swear, I didn't!), and rumours of me starting a fashion war just to watch the world burn (okay, that one might have been true… but the dress was hideous!).

I tried being nice. I really did. I smiled at people, offered compliments (genuine ones, even!), and even attempted to bake cookies (disaster. Absolute disaster. The kitchen nearly burned down). But the more I tried to be “good,” the more suspicious everyone became. It was like they were convinced I was plotting something even more sinister!

The Accidental Hero (Or How I Stumbled Into Competence)

Then, something unexpected happened. A small village was attacked by bandits. The prince, bless his heart, was too busy perfecting his hair to do anything useful. So, I stepped in. I had, coincidentally, read a book about basic tactics and survival skills a week or two prior and well, I thought, “Why not give this a shot?”

Turns out, screaming commands while wearing a ridiculously expensive gown is surprisingly effective. And also, it turns out my character had hidden skills in archery. Who knew? We managed to drive off the bandits with minimal casualties. I became an instant hero. Go figure. Of course, everyone was still slightly wary of me, convinced I had ulterior motives, but hey, at least they weren't convinced I was going to poison their goldfish anymore.

The Plot Thickens (and Gets Even More Ridiculous)

Now, you might be thinking, “Okay, she’s averted her tragic fate, she’s become a hero, the end.” Nope! Of course not! This is a trashy romance novel, remember? Things are never that simple.

The original plot was thrown completely out the window. New characters appeared out of nowhere, conspiracies were uncovered, and I even found myself in a love triangle with a charming rogue and, you guessed it, the now slightly more interesting prince. It was a mess. A glorious, hilarious mess.

I won't spoil the ending (mostly because I'm still living it), but let's just say it involves a dragon, a stolen artifact, and a surprisingly epic dance-off. No, I'm not kidding.

Life Lessons From a Villainess (Who Tried Not To Be)

So, what have I learned from all this? A few things, actually:

• Don't judge a villainess by her corset. Sometimes, they're just misunderstood.
• Always have a backup plan (and a good archery instructor).
• Even in the most ridiculous situations, you can find something to laugh about.
• And finally, never, ever underestimate the power of a well-timed dramatic entrance.

So, yeah, that's my story. I’m still trying to figure out how to get back to my own world (and my own comfortable clothes), but in the meantime, I’m enjoying the ride. After all, how many people can say they've rewritten their own destiny in a disastrous novel? Plus, the pastries here are really good.