I Thought I Said To Make My Abilities Average

Often, striving for exceptionalism feels like the only path to success. We're bombarded with messages urging us to be the best, the brightest, the most innovative. But what if, instead of chasing that elusive peak, we deliberately aimed for "average"? It might sound counterintuitive, but strategically moderating our abilities, or at least our outward display of them, can be a powerful tool in navigating various aspects of life.

Understanding the Strategic Value of 'Average'

The concept isn't about becoming mediocre. It’s about understanding when and how to strategically modulate your strengths to achieve specific goals. Think of it as situational awareness applied to your skill set.

Building Rapport and Trust

Sometimes, being perceived as overly competent can create distance. If you constantly demonstrate superior knowledge or skill, others might feel intimidated, inadequate, or even resentful. This can hinder collaboration and make it difficult to build genuine connections.

Imagine joining a new recreational sports team. If you immediately showcase your Olympic-level badminton skills, you might win every game, but you'll likely alienate your teammates and kill the fun for everyone else. Instead, focus on playing at a level that's enjoyable for the group, offering encouragement, and fostering camaraderie.

The key is to observe the group dynamic and adjust your performance accordingly. Ask questions, express shared frustrations, and offer assistance in a way that feels supportive rather than condescending.

Facilitating Learning and Growth in Others

If you are in a leadership or mentorship role, consistently outperforming those you are trying to guide can actually be detrimental. People learn best when they are challenged but not overwhelmed. Displaying an "average" level of competence allows you to create space for others to step up, experiment, and learn from their mistakes.

Instead of immediately providing the perfect solution, try these approaches:

Ask open-ended questions to guide them towards the answer.
Share your own past struggles and mistakes.
Offer specific, constructive feedback, focusing on areas for improvement rather than simply pointing out flaws.

By deliberately moderating your performance, you empower others to develop their own skills and confidence.

Avoiding Unnecessary Attention

In certain situations, standing out from the crowd can attract unwanted attention. This might be in a competitive work environment where being perceived as a threat can lead to sabotage, or in social situations where your success might trigger envy or resentment.

Consider a scenario where you're part of a team working on a project. Instead of dominating the meetings with your ideas and expertise, strategically share the spotlight. Acknowledge the contributions of others, build upon their suggestions, and avoid taking all the credit for successes. This not only fosters a more collaborative environment but also helps you avoid becoming a target for office politics.

This doesn't mean hiding your abilities entirely, but rather being mindful of how you present them. Choose your battles wisely. Focus your energy on situations where your expertise is genuinely needed and valued, and be willing to let others shine in areas where you can afford to take a backseat.

Managing Expectations

Consistently exceeding expectations can create a cycle of ever-increasing demands. If you always deliver exceptional results, people will come to expect it, and you'll be under constant pressure to maintain that level of performance. Strategically aiming for "average" can help you manage these expectations and create more breathing room for yourself.

Here's how to approach it:

Prioritize tasks strategically: Focus your energy on projects that align with your core goals and values, and delegate or deprioritize less important tasks.
Set realistic deadlines: Avoid overcommitting yourself and be realistic about how long it will take to complete tasks to a satisfactory standard.
Communicate effectively: If you're feeling overwhelmed, communicate your concerns to your manager or colleagues and ask for support.

Practical Applications and Tips

Here are some practical ways to apply the concept of strategically "averaging" your abilities:

Job Interviews: While it's important to highlight your skills and experience, avoid sounding arrogant or boastful. Focus on how your abilities can contribute to the team and the company's overall goals. Instead of saying "I'm the best at X," try "I have a strong background in X and I'm eager to learn and grow within your team."
Team Projects: Be a team player. Listen to others' ideas, offer support, and share credit for successes. Avoid dominating the conversation or taking over tasks that others are capable of handling.
Social Gatherings: Don't try to be the smartest person in the room. Engage in genuine conversations, ask questions, and show an interest in others' experiences.
Family Dynamics: Avoid constantly correcting or criticizing family members. Offer gentle guidance and support, and allow them to learn from their own mistakes.
Negotiations: Don't start with your highest offer. Leave room for negotiation and be willing to compromise. This shows that you're willing to work towards a mutually beneficial agreement.

Recognizing the Risks

It's important to acknowledge the potential risks of consistently downplaying your abilities. Over time, it can lead to underestimation, missed opportunities, and even a decline in your own skills. The key is to find a balance between strategically moderating your performance and showcasing your strengths when it truly matters.

It's equally important to differentiate between strategically managing your abilities and imposter syndrome. If you consistently feel like a fraud, despite having evidence of your competence, seeking professional help is crucial.

Final Thoughts: The Art of Strategic Moderation

Aiming for "average" isn't about settling for mediocrity. It's about understanding the social dynamics at play and strategically modulating your abilities to achieve specific outcomes. It's a tool to be used with discretion and awareness, not a default setting. By mastering this art, you can build stronger relationships, foster collaboration, avoid unnecessary attention, and ultimately, achieve greater success in all aspects of your life.

Checklist for Strategic Ability Management

Assess the situation: What are the social dynamics at play? What are your goals in this situation?
Identify your strengths: What are your key skills and abilities?
Determine your approach: Should you showcase your abilities, moderate them, or defer to others?
Communicate effectively: How can you present your abilities in a way that is helpful and supportive, rather than intimidating or boastful?
Monitor the results: Is your approach achieving the desired outcomes? Adjust your strategy as needed.
Be authentic: Don't try to be someone you're not. Find a balance between strategically managing your abilities and being true to yourself.