I Wont Go Back To My Family Who Abandoned Me

Remember that time you went to a party, feeling all confident and ready to mingle, only to realize halfway through that… you were completely, utterly alone? Like, crickets alone. People you thought were your friends were suddenly engrossed in conversations that didn't involve you, and you just stood there, awkwardly sipping your drink, wondering if you should just slip out the back? Yeah, well, multiply that feeling by a thousand, stretch it out over years, and you'll get a tiny glimpse into what it's like to be abandoned by your family. Fun times, right?

Okay, maybe "fun" isn't the right word. But the point is, that isolated feeling, that sense of being unwanted and unloved by the very people who are supposed to be your rock... it sticks with you. And after experiencing that, you start to question everything. You question your worth, your sanity, and whether or not you're just doomed to be alone forever. (Don't worry, you're not! Just keep reading.)

So, here’s the deal. I'm not going back. To them. My family. The people who, for all intents and purposes, decided I wasn't worth the effort. The people who let me fall and didn't even bother to check if I was okay. And before you start thinking I'm some bitter, revenge-driven maniac (although, let's be honest, a little revenge fantasy is always tempting), let me explain why. It’s not about spite. It’s about self-preservation.

Why Going Back is a Bad Idea (For Me, and Maybe For You Too)

Look, I get it. The idea of family is deeply ingrained in us. We're taught from a young age that family is everything, that blood is thicker than water, and that you should always forgive your family, no matter what. But what happens when "family" is the very source of your pain? What happens when they're the ones who consistently tear you down, invalidate your feelings, and make you feel like you're constantly walking on eggshells? (Raise your hand if you've ever felt that eggshell feeling! Yeah, I see you.)

For me, going back would mean:

• Reliving the Trauma: This isn't just about bad memories. It's about re-entering an environment that actively triggers those memories and reinforces the negative beliefs they instilled in me. It’s like willingly sticking your hand back into a fire. Why would I do that?
• Sacrificing My Mental Health: Seriously, the amount of therapy I've had to go through to undo the damage they caused is...well, let's just say my therapist appreciates their business. Going back would be like throwing all that progress out the window. And nobody wants to do that!
• Repeating the Cycle: The patterns of dysfunction are deeply ingrained in my family. Going back would mean inevitably falling back into those patterns, playing the same old roles, and perpetuating the same toxic behaviors. No thank you. I’m trying to break cycles here, not reinforce them.
• Compromising My Boundaries: Setting boundaries with my family is like trying to build a sandcastle during high tide. They're constantly pushing, testing, and trying to break them down. Going back would mean giving them free rein to trample all over my hard-won boundaries. And I'm not about to let that happen.
• Dismantling My Support System: I have spent years building a chosen family, a network of friends and mentors who love and support me unconditionally. Going back would mean isolating myself from them and relying solely on the very people who let me down in the first place. That’s a recipe for disaster.

Basically, going back would be a complete and utter train wreck. And honestly, I've had enough train wrecks for one lifetime. Haven't you?

It's Not About Forgiveness (At Least, Not Yet)

Let's talk about forgiveness. Everyone always says you need to forgive in order to move on. And I agree, to some extent. Holding onto anger and resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It only hurts you. But forgiveness is a process, not an obligation. And it's a process that needs to happen on my terms, at my pace. Not because someone else tells me I should. (Are you listening, well-meaning relatives who keep saying "but they're your FAMILY!")

Right now, I'm not ready to forgive. And that's okay. Maybe someday I will be. Maybe someday I'll reach a point where I can look back on everything that happened without feeling a surge of anger and pain. But that day is not today. And forcing myself to forgive before I'm ready would be disingenuous and ultimately harmful. It would be like sweeping all the dirt under the rug and pretending it's not there. And eventually, that rug is going to get pretty lumpy, wouldn't it?

Instead of focusing on forgiveness, I'm focusing on healing. On rebuilding my self-esteem, on learning to trust again, and on creating a life that is filled with joy and purpose. And guess what? That life doesn't include the people who abandoned me. At least, not right now. And maybe never. And you know what? That's perfectly fine.

Choosing Myself: A Revolutionary Act

In a society that prioritizes family above all else, choosing yourself can feel like a revolutionary act. It can feel selfish, even. But it's not. It's self-care. It's recognizing your worth and refusing to settle for less than you deserve. It's acknowledging that you have the right to protect yourself from toxic people, even if those people are your family.

It took me a long time to realize that. For years, I felt guilty for cutting off contact with my family. I felt like I was a bad daughter, a bad sister, a bad person. I wondered if I was overreacting, if I was being too sensitive, if I was just making things up in my head. (Sound familiar?) But eventually, I realized that my feelings were valid. That my experiences were real. And that I had the right to choose my own path, even if that path led me away from my family.

And you know what? Since making that decision, I've never been happier. I'm finally free to be myself, without fear of judgment or criticism. I'm surrounded by people who love and support me unconditionally. And I'm building a life that is truly my own. It's not perfect, of course. There are still days when I struggle with the lingering effects of my past. But overall, I'm thriving. And that's something I never thought was possible.

Building Your Own Family (Because Blood Isn't Everything)

One of the biggest concerns people have when they cut off contact with their family is the fear of being alone. The fear of not having anyone to rely on, especially during times of crisis. But here's the thing: you don't need blood to have family. You can build your own family, a chosen family of friends, mentors, and other supportive people who love and accept you for who you are. (Seriously, find your tribe! They’re out there!)

My chosen family has been a lifesaver. They've been there for me through thick and thin, offering a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, and unwavering support. They've celebrated my successes, comforted me during my failures, and helped me to become the person I am today. And I am eternally grateful for them. They are the family I always wished I had, and they prove that blood is not the only thing that matters. What matters is love, loyalty, and mutual respect.

So, how do you build your own family? Here are a few tips:

• Be Open to New Connections: Don't be afraid to put yourself out there and meet new people. Join clubs, attend events, volunteer, or take classes. You never know where you'll find your tribe. (Online communities can be amazing too, just be careful!)
• Be Yourself: Don't try to be someone you're not to fit in. Authenticity is key to building genuine connections. The right people will love you for who you are, flaws and all. (And if they don’t, they aren’t your people!)
• Be Supportive: Offer your support to others and be there for them when they need it. Reciprocity is essential to building strong relationships. (It’s a two-way street, after all!)
• Be Vulnerable: Sharing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences with others can help to deepen your connections and build trust. (But remember, vulnerability is a gift, so give it wisely.)
• Set Boundaries: Just like with your biological family, it's important to set healthy boundaries with your chosen family. This will help to ensure that your relationships are based on mutual respect and understanding. (Boundaries are beautiful, remember that!)

Building a chosen family takes time and effort, but it's worth it. Having a support system of people who love and accept you unconditionally can make all the difference in the world.

My Message To You: You Are Not Alone

If you're reading this and you've been abandoned by your family, please know that you are not alone. There are many others who have gone through similar experiences, and you don't have to suffer in silence. Reach out for support, connect with others who understand, and remember that you deserve to be loved and cherished.

Cutting ties with family is never an easy decision. It's often a painful and complicated process. But sometimes, it's the only way to protect your mental and emotional health. And if that's the case for you, please know that you have the right to choose yourself. You have the right to prioritize your own well-being. And you have the right to build a life that is filled with joy, purpose, and love, even if that life doesn't include the people who abandoned you.

So, am I going back? No. Not now, not ever. I'm too busy building my own happily ever after. And you should be too. You deserve it.

One Last Thing...

Just remember, healing isn't linear. There will be good days and bad days. There will be moments of doubt and moments of clarity. Be patient with yourself, be kind to yourself, and never give up on yourself. You are stronger than you think. And you are capable of creating a life that is truly amazing.