Please Don't Summon Demons In The Bathroom

Okay, so, we need to talk. Seriously. Grab a coffee (or maybe something stronger, depending on your hobbies), because this is important. This is about… well, it's about demons. And bathrooms. Not a combo I particularly enjoy, TBH.

Specifically, it’s about not summoning demons in the bathroom. You might be thinking, “Well, duh! Who would do that?” And that’s exactly what I thought. Until I heard things. You know, whispers. Rumors. Things you overhear at occult conventions (yes, I go to those. Don’t judge!). Apparently, it’s more common than you’d think.

I mean, think about it. The bathroom. It's got a mirror (perfect for scrying, right?), running water (essential for cleansing...or for accidentally opening portals, oops!), and, let's be real, probably some questionable smells already. What could possibly go wrong?

Everything. Everything could go wrong.

Why the Bathroom is a Bad Choice (Like, REALLY Bad)

First of all, space. Bathrooms aren’t exactly known for their spacious summoning circles. You’re going to be cramped. Imagine trying to perfectly inscribe a pentagram while avoiding the toilet. Disaster. And let's not even talk about the potential for tripping on the bath mat mid-incantation. Dignity? Gone.

And what about ventilation? Seriously, all those burning candles and incense...you’re gonna set off the smoke alarm. Then what? The fire department shows up, sees your demon summoning circle drawn in suspiciously-colored bath salts, and suddenly you're explaining your life choices to a very confused fireman. Not a good look.

Plus, demons are notoriously picky about their accommodations. You think they want to be summoned in a room that smells vaguely of lavender and bleach? I highly doubt it. They're going to be grumpy. And a grumpy demon is a dangerous demon. Speaking from experience…sort of.

Let’s not forget the potential for interruptions. Someone’s gonna need to pee. Or take a shower. Or, heaven forbid, brush their teeth. Explaining to your roommate why there’s a three-headed hellhound hovering near the shower curtain is…awkward. Trust me.

Practical Concerns (Because Reality Bites)

Beyond the sheer inconvenience, there are practical reasons to avoid bathroom demon summoning. Namely, the plumbing. Imagine what happens if your summoning ritual goes sideways (and let's be honest, they usually do). You could end up with a demon lodged in your pipes. And getting a plumber to deal with that? Good luck finding one who takes insurance.

And the cleaning! Demon residue is notoriously difficult to remove. Forget about getting your security deposit back. You’ll be scrubbing ectoplasm off the tiles for years. And that’s assuming the demon doesn’t decide to redecorate…with, you know, blood.

Think about your towels! Do you really want to risk them becoming imbued with dark energies? Suddenly your post-shower experience involves feeling vaguely malevolent. Nope. Hard pass.

So, What's the Alternative?

Okay, so you’re convinced. Bathrooms are out. Where should you summon your demons? (Assuming, of course, you're absolutely set on summoning demons. Maybe consider knitting? It's less messy.)

Well, ideally, you’d have a dedicated summoning room. You know, soundproof, fireproof, demon-proof (is that a thing?). Failing that, maybe the backyard? At least you have fresh air and a chance of escaping if things go south. Just be sure to warn the neighbors.

And always, always read the fine print on your summoning spells. Know what you're getting into. And maybe invest in some good quality smudge sticks. You know, just in case.

But seriously, maybe just don't summon demons. Ever. There are so many other, less demonic-related, hobbies out there. Baking, bird watching, competitive thumb wrestling… the possibilities are endless!

But if you absolutely must summon a demon...for the love of all that is holy (or unholy, depending on your perspective), please, please keep it out of the bathroom. Your sanity (and your plumbing) will thank you.