The Healer Who Was Banished From His Party Wiki

Okay, so grab your latte, pull up a chair, and let me tell you a story. It's about Barnaby "Band-Aid" Buttercup, the most enthusiastic healer you’ve ever met... and the reason he’s now banned from his own adventuring party’s wiki. Yes, you heard me right. Banned. From the wiki. It's a tale of good intentions, questionable tactics, and a serious overuse of healing potions.

The Rise and Fall of Band-Aid Buttercup

Barnaby, bless his cotton socks, always wanted to be a healer. From the tender age of five, he was bandaging up squirrels (sometimes unnecessarily, I suspect) and trying to cure his goldfish, Bubbles, of… well, being a goldfish. His heart was as big as a giant's boot, but his methods? Let's just say they were a work in progress.

He joined the "Crimson Crusaders," a ragtag group of adventurers consisting of:

• Astrid, the stoic warrior with a penchant for dramatic monologues.
• Bartholomew (no relation to Barnaby), the wizard whose spells were roughly 50% effective and 50% likely to backfire spectacularly.
• Penelope, the rogue who specialized in "acquiring" rare artifacts (and sometimes, Astrid's lunch).

Initially, Barnaby was their MVP. Astrid could tank, Bartholomew could… occasionally nuke something, and Penelope could sneak past anything, but someone had to keep them alive. And Barnaby, armed with his overflowing backpack of healing potions and an almost unnerving optimism, was their man.

The Problem with Potions (and Barnaby's "Tactics")

Here's where things started to go south. Barnaby wasn't just a healer; he was a preventative healer. As in, before you even *thought* about stubbing your toe, he'd be shoving a potion down your throat. Astrid once tripped over a pebble and, before she could even register the indignity, Barnaby had force-fed her three different kinds of healing elixirs. She was radiating health for days. And slightly glowing. No one's quite sure *what* was in those potions.

Bartholomew, after accidentally setting his beard on fire (again), found himself covered in a thick, goopy healing salve before he could even pat it out. He claimed it smelled suspiciously like lavender and regret. Penelope, well, let's just say she learned to dodge Barnaby like she dodged dragon fire.

It wasn't just the amount of healing. It was the timing. Imagine this: Astrid is locked in a dramatic duel with a fearsome goblin king. Goblin King lands a glancing blow. Astrid barely flinches. Barnaby, screaming "Noooooo!," tackles her to the ground and pours an entire flask of super-healing potion down her throat, interrupting her epic one-liner. Goblin King, utterly bewildered, just sort of… gives up. Astrid, covered in sticky potion and seething, mutters something about "professionalism" and "personal space."

The Wiki Incident

The Crimson Crusaders, like any self-respecting adventuring party, had a wiki. It chronicled their adventures, listed their enemies, and, of course, documented their loot. Barnaby, ever the eager beaver, took it upon himself to manage the "Healing and Support" section. And that's when things went from "slightly annoying" to "Wiki-bannable offense."

He started adding entries for every single ailment imaginable. And I mean *every* ailment. Things like "Existential Dread (Mild)," "Hangnail of Discomfort," and "Slightly Bruised Ego." Each entry, of course, came with a detailed list of potions and salves, all helpfully cross-referenced with local apothecaries (who, coincidentally, were all owned by Barnaby's eccentric Aunt Mildred). He even included preventative measures, like gargling with dragon's blood (not recommended) and wearing a helmet lined with soothing chamomile.

The wiki entry for Astrid, for example, listed her current HP (which was always maxed out, thanks to Barnaby's interventions), her resistance to various types of damage (including "passive-aggressive comments" from Penelope), and a detailed account of every single healing potion she had ever consumed. There was even a pie chart analyzing the color, viscosity, and scent of each potion. Astrid was not amused.

But the final straw? The entry for the Goblin King. Barnaby, in a fit of misguided empathy, wrote a lengthy analysis of the Goblin King's potential health problems, including "Possible Vitamin D Deficiency," "Suspected Ingrown Toenail," and "High Levels of Existential Angst." He then proceeded to list a series of healing potions and suggested therapy sessions that the Crimson Crusaders could offer the Goblin King, instead of, you know, fighting him.

That's when Bartholomew, who was trying to research a particularly volatile spell, accidentally clicked on the Goblin King's therapy schedule and promptly blew up his keyboard in frustration. Penelope, who was trying to find information about a valuable amulet they had "acquired" earlier that day, gave up after scrolling through pages of potion ingredients and diagrams of internal organs.

The Banishment (From the Wiki, At Least)

The Crimson Crusaders held an emergency meeting. The agenda? "The Barnaby Situation." The verdict? Barnaby was officially banned from editing the wiki. Astrid made the announcement with a stony face, Bartholomew just mumbled something about "too much information," and Penelope snuck a healing potion into her pocket "just in case."

Poor Barnaby was heartbroken. He just wanted to help! He wanted to make the wiki a comprehensive guide to health and well-being! He genuinely believed that the Goblin King just needed a good chiropractor. But, alas, his enthusiasm, combined with his slightly… unusual… approach to healing, had led to his downfall.

So, the next time you're playing a tabletop RPG, or even just navigating the complexities of daily life, remember Barnaby Buttercup. Remember his unwavering dedication to healing, his overflowing backpack of potions, and his unfortunate tendency to over-document everything. And maybe, just maybe, consider whether you really *need* that extra healing potion. You might just end up banned from your own wiki.

The Silver Lining?

Don't worry too much about Band-Aid Barnaby. Although he's banned from the Crimson Crusaders' Wiki, he's moved on to bigger and (arguably) better things. He now runs a thriving online forum dedicated to holistic healing for monsters. Goblins with gout? Dragons with dandruff? He's got you covered! Apparently, his therapy sessions with the Goblin King (conducted via magical messaging, of course) were surprisingly effective.

And who knows, maybe one day the Crimson Crusaders will need his help again. Maybe Astrid will develop a particularly nasty case of dragon scale allergies, or Bartholomew will accidentally turn himself into a toad. When that day comes, Barnaby will be ready, armed with his potions, his salves, and his encyclopedic knowledge of obscure ailments. Just don't let him near the wiki.