The Knight King Who Returned With A God

Alright, settle in, folks, because I’m about to tell you a tale. A tale of knights, kings, and… well, a rather grumpy deity. It all starts with this Knight King, see? Think King Arthur, but maybe slightly less competent and way more prone to accidental acts of heroism. Let’s call him King Bertram the Bewildered. Mostly because that’s how he usually looked.

Now, Bertram wasn’t exactly bad at being king. He just had… issues. Like his habit of accidentally signing treaties with goblins (long story) or his unfortunate incident with the royal pudding catapult (don't ask). But he was loyal, brave, and generally meant well. Plus, his armour always shined, which counted for something, right?

The Quest Gone Sideways

So, one day, Bertram got it in his head to go on a quest. Because kings do that sort of thing. A dragon was allegedly hoarding the kingdom’s supply of marmalade (a grave situation, I tell you), and Bertram, fuelled by righteous indignation and a questionable amount of caffeine, decided to confront it.

The quest, naturally, went sideways. The dragon turned out to be a very polite lizard with a fondness for jazz music (who knew?), and Bertram’s heroic charge resulted in him tripping over a particularly stubborn root and face-planting into… well, let's just say it wasn't marmalade.

And that’s when things got weird. Really weird.

Enter the Grumpy God

See, Bertram didn't just stumble into dirt. He stumbled into a portal. A portal to… somewhere. He wasn't quite sure where, but it involved a lot of floating rocks, questionable architecture, and the distinct smell of ozone. And then he met him. The grumpy god.

This wasn't your typical benevolent, smiling deity. Oh no. This was Gorlag, the God of Mild Annoyance, Left Socks, and Existential Dread. He’d been banished to this pocket dimension for… reasons. Apparently, he’d accidentally turned the High Priest of the Celestial Order into a teapot during a particularly tense board game night. Accidents happen, right?

Gorlag was, to put it mildly, not thrilled to see Bertram. Imagine being trapped in a dimension powered by existential dread and then some bewildered knight faceplants into your living room. You wouldn’t be thrilled either.

“Who… who are you?” Bertram stammered, covered in who-knows-what. Gorlag just glared. “I am Gorlag! And you, I presume, are another cosmic joke played at my expense!”

What followed was a truly bizarre series of events. Bertram, being Bertram, managed to accidentally convince Gorlag that he was there to rescue him. He did this mostly by misunderstanding everything Gorlag said and responding with increasing levels of enthusiastic, yet misplaced, optimism.

The Unlikely Rescue

Getting Gorlag out wasn’t easy. Turns out, pocket dimensions have security protocols. And these protocols involved a lot of riddles, spatial anomalies, and a surprisingly effective laser grid powered by the god's own frustration.

But Bertram, bless his bewildered heart, managed it. Partly through sheer dumb luck, partly through accidentally solving riddles by reciting limericks about squirrels, and mostly through Gorlag’s increasingly exasperated instructions. It was a match made in… well, probably not heaven. More like a particularly chaotic administrative office.

And so, King Bertram the Bewildered returned to his kingdom, not just with tales of heroism, but with an actual, albeit incredibly grumpy, god in tow. Imagine explaining that at the next royal council meeting!

The Aftermath

What happened next? Well, Gorlag, true to his nature, spent most of his time complaining about the food, the weather, and the general state of existence. He even tried to implement a new system of government based on the principles of organized chaos. It didn’t go well.

But, surprisingly, having a god around had its perks. For one thing, the kingdom’s marmalade supplies were never threatened again. And while Gorlag never admitted it, he seemed to develop a grudging respect for Bertram’s…unique approach to leadership.

And so, King Bertram the Bewildered, the Knight King who accidentally befriended a grumpy god, ruled his kingdom with a combination of accidental brilliance and sheer, unadulterated luck. Proving once and for all that sometimes, the best heroes are the ones who have absolutely no idea what they’re doing.

Just don’t ask him about the pudding catapult.