The Rankers Guide To Live An Ordinary Life
Hey you! Ever wonder about the art of being… normal? Yeah, me too. Let’s dive into the wildly fascinating world of the “Ordinary Life.” It sounds boring, right? Wrong! It’s a secret superpower. Think about it: everyone's chasing extraordinary. What if we mastered the regular?
The Ranker's Guide: Level 1 – Mastering Mundane
So, you wanna blend in? Be a master of the average? Here’s your beginner's guide to living that perfectly imperfect, utterly unremarkable life. Don't worry, it's more fun than it sounds. We're not aiming for *actual* boring, just convincingly average.
Step 1: Embrace the Beige
Color choices matter. Ditch the neon. Forget the metallics. Think beige, grey, and maybe, just maybe, a muted navy. Your wardrobe should scream “I own practical clothing.” Think khakis. Think sensible shoes. Think…cardigans? Yeah, cardigans are key. Bonus points if they have elbow patches.
Your home? Similar vibes. Neutral walls. Generic art (think landscapes with *lots* of trees). Furniture that's comfortable but not, you know, stylish. The goal? When someone walks in, they should think, "Yep, this is a room."
Step 2: The Art of the Casual Hobby
Everyone has hobbies. But *ordinary* hobbies are different. Think gardening (but only growing common flowers). Think stamp collecting (used stamps only, please). Think…bird watching. Invest in some binoculars, a field guide, and a profound interest in robins. Seriously, robins are your friends now.
Avoid anything too extreme. No skydiving. No competitive eating. No underwater basket weaving (yes, that's a thing). Stick to the classics. Remember: The more universally recognized, the better!
Step 3: Small Talk Superhero
Small talk is your weapon. Master it. Practice it. Become a ninja of pleasantries. The weather is your best friend. “Lovely day, isn’t it?” is your mantra. Pro Tip: Always have a mildly interesting anecdote about traffic ready to go.
Avoid controversial topics. Politics? Religion? Your weird obsession with collecting belly button lint? Steer clear. Stick to safe ground: the local sports team (but only if you know the basics), the price of gas, and, of course, the weather. Did I mention the weather?
Step 4: Food, Glorious, Ordinary Food
Culinary adventures are out. Stick to the staples. Chicken and rice? Perfect. Spaghetti and meatballs? Classic. Peanut butter and jelly? A timeless masterpiece. Avoid anything too exotic or spicy. Your palate should be…predictable.
Eating out? Chain restaurants are your friend. Order the same thing every time. Bonus points for knowing the server's name (but not *too* well). Important: Never, ever Instagram your food. That's far too exciting.
Level 2: Advanced Ordinariness
Okay, you've mastered the basics. Ready to level up? Let's get into some serious ordinary-ness.
Step 5: The Power of Routine
Routines are the bedrock of an ordinary life. Wake up at the same time every day. Eat the same breakfast. Take the same route to work. Do the same thing after work. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Embrace the monotony. It's your superpower now.
Change is the enemy. Resist it at all costs. When something unexpected happens, react with mild annoyance, but then quickly return to your scheduled programming. Never, ever deviate from the plan. Unless, of course, it’s something *everyone* else is doing.
Step 6: Technology – Use It, But Don't *Love* It
You can't avoid technology entirely. But use it sparingly. Have a smartphone, but don't become obsessed with it. Check your email once a day (maybe twice if you're feeling wild). Scroll through social media, but don't engage. Be a lurker, not a poster.
Avoid all the latest gadgets. Smart homes? Virtual reality? Leave that to the youngsters. Stick to your trusty TV remote and your basic cable package. You only need the news and the sports channel, right?
Step 7: The Skill of the Mild Compliment
Compliment sparingly, and always keep it mild. "That's a nice shirt" is good. "That shirt perfectly complements your eyes and highlights your unique sense of style" is…too much. Aim for bland positivity.
Avoid any compliments that could be interpreted as flirtatious or overly enthusiastic. Remember, you're going for ordinary, not creepy. The goal is to acknowledge someone's existence without actually making them feel special.
Step 8: Master the Art of Being Slightly Disappointed
Things rarely live up to expectations, and the ordinary person knows this. When something good happens, react with cautious optimism. When something bad happens, react with a sigh and a shrug. Never show too much emotion.
Be slightly disappointed with everything: the weather, the food, the service, the news. It's not about being negative, it's about being realistic. And realistic people are…well, ordinary.
Level 3: Becoming One With the Wallpaper
You're almost there! You've embraced the beige, mastered the mundane, and perfected the art of being slightly disappointed. Now, it's time to truly become one with your surroundings.
Step 9: Blend Into the Crowd
Pay attention to how other people are acting. Mimic their behavior. Dress like them. Talk like them. The goal is to become indistinguishable from the rest of the population. Become a chameleon of conformity.
Avoid standing out in any way. Don't be too loud, too funny, too opinionated, or too…anything. Just be…there. Present, but not noticeable. A background character in the grand drama of life.
Step 10: Embrace the Mundane Moments
Find joy in the ordinary. Appreciate the simple things: a cup of coffee, a quiet evening at home, a walk in the park. These mundane moments are the building blocks of an ordinary life, and they can be surprisingly satisfying.
Learn to be content with what you have. Stop chasing after excitement and adventure. Embrace the peace and tranquility of a life well-lived, even if it's not particularly exciting. After all, isn't that what everyone secretly wants anyway? (Probably not, but let's pretend it is).
So there you have it: The Ranker's Guide to Living an Ordinary Life. It’s a journey, not a destination. Embrace the beige, practice your small talk, and find joy in the mundane. Who knows, you might even discover that being ordinary is…extraordinarily liberating.
Now go forth and be average! (In the most entertaining way possible, of course.)
