Okay, let's say it's happening. The doctor drops the bomb. Three months. Tick-tock.
My first thought? Forget kale smoothies. Pass the pizza.
Travel? Maybe Not.
Everyone says travel! "See the world!" I get it. Planes are cramped. Airports are stressful. I'd rather Netflix and chill.
Speaking of Netflix, I’m binging everything. Starting with the bad stuff. Guilty pleasures galore. No shame.
Unpopular Opinion Time: Decluttering? Nope.
People suggest decluttering. Getting rid of stuff. Purging. Seriously? My junk brings me joy.
I'm keeping the chipped mug. The stained t-shirt. The box of random cords I'll never use. They're part of my story.
Besides, someone else can sort it out later. Less work for me now.
Goodbye Social Media
Deleting all my social media accounts. No more perfectly curated lives. No more FOMO. Freedom!
Who needs validation from strangers? I’d rather spend that time eating ice cream.
I might send a few postcards. Retro, right?
Relationships: Quality Over Quantity.
I'm calling my closest friends and family. No big announcements. Just chatting.
I will avoid drama. Absolutely no family feuds. Positive vibes only.
If someone annoys me? Blocked. Life's too short. Literally.
Food, Glorious Food
Eating all the forbidden foods. Cake for breakfast? Why not?
I'm talking mountains of pasta. Oceans of gravy. A lifetime supply of cheese.
My arteries? Not my problem anymore.
The Finances Situation
Giving away all my money. To loved ones, of course.
I'm buying ridiculous presents. A solid gold paperclip? Sure!
Maybe a lifetime supply of bubble wrap for my nephew. He loves that stuff.
No Regrets? Almost.
Okay, maybe one tiny regret. Not learning to play the ukulele. Oh well.
I’m definitely not learning now. Too much effort.
Instead, I'll listen to other people play. From the comfort of my couch. With a pizza.
Embrace the Absurdity.
I'm planning a ridiculous themed party. Togas required.
The theme? "Celebrating Life's Imminent Conclusion."
It'll be awkward. It'll be funny. It'll be perfectly me.
Ultimately, I would just try to laugh more. Worry less. Eat better (but worse!). And enjoy the absurdity of it all.
Because, honestly, isn’t life already kind of absurd?
So, yeah. Pizza. Netflix. Zero regrets (mostly). My three months would be pretty chill. Maybe even...fun?
Don't judge. You'd probably do the same.
