Who Even *Was* in American Horror Story: Roanoke Episode 1? (And My Bold Opinions)
Okay, let's be honest. Season 6 of American Horror Story, "Roanoke," was…different. It started with that whole documentary vibe. Remember the talking heads?
Sarah Paulson as Shelby Miller (or Audrey Tindall?)
First up, we had Sarah Paulson, of course. She's basically the queen of AHS. I always get a little confused about whether she's playing Shelby or Audrey in this whole thing.
Shelby is the one experiencing the haunted house horror, right? Audrey is the actress playing Shelby. Did anyone else find Audrey kind of annoying? Just me?
Cuba Gooding Jr. as Matt Miller (or Dominic Banks?)
Then there's Cuba Gooding Jr. playing Matt. He and Sarah Paulson had some serious on-screen tension. Remember his sleepwalking problem?
Or should I say, Dominic Banks playing Matt? He was just trying to make some money! To be fair, moving into a murder house probably wasn't his brightest idea.
Lily Rabe as Shelby Miller (Again!)
Wait a minute...Lily Rabe played the "real" Shelby! So many Shelbys! I loved how she seemed so genuinely terrified.
Lily Rabe always has a way of adding a certain depth to every character she plays. You always feel sorry for her. Even when she's probably making some questionable decisions.
André Holland as Matt Miller (Before Cuba!)
Before Cuba Gooding Jr., we had André Holland as Matt! Remember him?
He really sold the whole 'stressed-out husband trying to protect his wife' thing. He's so good. I kind of wish he’d stuck around longer, honestly.
Kathy Bates as...The Butcher (Agnes Mary Winstead)
Let's not forget the terrifying Kathy Bates as The Butcher! Yikes! She's genuinely scary in this one.
I kind of felt a little bad for Agnes. She was just committed to the craft. It's hard being type cast as a murderous villain! It's called *acting*!
Denis O'Hare as Dr. Elias Cunningham
A brief appearance by Denis O'Hare! He pops up as Dr. Elias Cunningham. Did you even remember he was in this episode?
He's there to give us some creepy backstory. This is very important because it gets you to realize just how doomed our main characters are. Thanks, doc!
The Supporting Cast (aka Face Recognition: *Impossible*)
There were other folks, of course. But did anyone actually know their names? They seemed to be there to get terrorized.
They were just there to scream and run away from the Butcher. I respect the commitment to horror movie tropes, you gotta give them that.
Final Thoughts (aka My Unpopular Opinion)
Honestly, "Roanoke" started off a bit confusing. It had a pretty decent cast. It just felt like *AHS* was trying a little too hard to be meta.
It was almost as if they were trying to parody themselves. But I don’t know, It feels like I am watching a different show.
Did anyone else feel like that season tried too hard to be scary? Give me a haunted hotel or a creepy asylum any day. Roanoke just didn't grab me the same way! Don’t @ me!