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An F Rated Hero Gains New Power

By Emma Burns • In Show
An F Rated Hero Gains New Power

Okay, picture this: you're Barnaby Buttercup. Not exactly a name that screams "superhero," right? More like, "guy who sells slightly stale muffins at the farmer's market." And your power? Knowing the exact temperature of lukewarm tap water. F-rated, all the way.

Barnaby's life was, shall we say, beige. He could tell you if your bath was exactly 98.6 degrees, but that didn't stop bank robberies or rescue kittens from trees. He mostly just used his power to win bets at office parties. Thrilling, I know.

The Great Spilled Coffee Incident

Then came The Great Spilled Coffee Incident. Barnaby, on his way to said office party, tripped. A whole thermos of lukewarm coffee went flying. Now, usually, this would just result in dry cleaning bills and a very awkward apology.

But this coffee was special. It wasn't just any lukewarm joe. It was brewed with ancient Peruvian coffee beans, infused with (allegedly) a touch of unicorn tears (don't ask), and heated to *precisely* lukewarm.

When the coffee splashed on Barnaby, something…shifted. He felt a jolt, a tingle, like his whole body was suddenly a perfectly calibrated thermometer on steroids.

From Lukewarm to...Luminous?

He didn't immediately sprout wings or start shooting lasers from his eyes. Instead, he noticed things. REALLY noticed things. Like the subtle temperature fluctuations in the air, the heat signatures of people walking by, even the thermal energy radiating from a nearby toaster oven.

Suddenly, Barnaby could sense things that were invisible to the naked eye. He could feel the tension radiating from a stressed-out squirrel contemplating crossing the street. He could detect the overheating engine of a getaway car speeding away from…you guessed it, a bank robbery!

Barnaby, our formerly F-rated friend, was now Thermal Visionary! Okay, maybe not the catchiest name, but work in progress.

The getaway car was weaving through traffic, but Barnaby could track its heat signature like a GPS. He could feel the strain on the tires, the overheating brakes, the driver's rising body temperature as panic set in.

Using his newfound abilities, he subtly manipulated the surrounding environment. He triggered a sprinkler system near the car, creating a sudden downpour that caused the driver to slam on the brakes.

The car swerved, crashed into a (fortunately empty) hot dog stand, and the robbers were apprehended by the suddenly-arrived police, who were equally confused and grateful for the unexpected rainfall.

The Rise of Thermal Visionary

Barnaby, covered in lukewarm coffee and smelling faintly of wet hot dogs, was a hero! Not a flashy, world-saving hero, but a practical, quirky, "saved the day with a sprinkler system" hero.

And that, my friends, is the beauty of it. Sometimes, all it takes is a spilled thermos of unicorn-tear-infused coffee to unlock the amazing potential inside us all. Even if you're currently just really good at knowing the temperature of lukewarm water.

Who knows? Maybe your unique, seemingly useless skill is just one caffeinated beverage away from saving the world. So, embrace your inner Barnaby Buttercup. You might just surprise yourself.

The end.

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