Adulting? Hard Pass.
Ever looked at someone meticulously organizing their spices and thought, "I'm good, thanks?" Me too. The dedication! The color coordination! I'm trying to see what that be like, but I just…can't.
It's not that I dislike order. Chaos just seems to find me. Like a magnet, but for mismatched socks and overdue library books.
I'm genuinely curious. What's the appeal of matching Tupperware lids? Is it a secret society? Do they hold meetings with perfectly aligned agendas?
Early Bird Gets the…Stress?
People who wake up before the sun...I'm fascinated. What motivates them? Birds chirping? The quiet solitude? I'm trying to see what that be like, but my internal clock says, "Absolutely not."
My brain doesn't fully function until at least 10 AM. Before that, I'm basically a sentient potato. A very sleepy potato.
Maybe I'm missing out on some transcendental pre-dawn experience. Or maybe I'm just prioritizing sleep. And honestly, I'm okay with that.
The "Healthy" Obsession.
Kale smoothies. Gym selfies. People who genuinely enjoy running...I'm trying to see what that be like, but my body is sending mixed signals. Mostly signals that involve pizza.
I respect the dedication. I truly do. But sometimes, I just want to eat a bag of chips without feeling judged by my own reflection.
And let's be honest, broccoli will never taste as good as chocolate. That's just science.
Extreme Minimalism: Is Less Really More?
People who live with only the bare essentials...wow. I'm trying to see what that be like, but I'm emotionally attached to my collection of vintage board games.
What if I need to play Clue? Or Monopoly? Or that weird game about collecting potatoes? A minimalist lifestyle seems…limiting.
I understand the appeal of decluttering. But I also believe in the power of having a spare rubber ducky. You never know when you'll need one.
Following Trends Blindly? Nah.
The latest TikTok dances. Obsessively following every fashion trend. I'm trying to see what that be like, but I'm more comfortable in my own, slightly outdated lane.
By the time I learn the choreography, the dance is already old news. And those skinny jeans? I’ll stick with my comfy stuff, thanks.
Being yourself is way more fun. Even if that self is a bit quirky and refuses to wear anything that requires ironing.
Being a Plant Parent (Emphasis on the Parent Part)
People who successfully keep plants alive... they're like wizards. I'm trying to see what that be like, but my plants seem to have a death wish.
I water them. I talk to them. I even play them soothing music. Yet, they still manage to wither and die. What am I doing wrong?
Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a plant parent. Or maybe I should just stick to succulents. They're basically the cockroaches of the plant world.
"Maybe someday I'll understand these things. But until then, I'll be over here, happily embracing my slightly chaotic, wonderfully imperfect life."
And you know what? That's okay.
