Okay, let's talk about something probably nobody else is thinking about right now: Somari and the Guardian of the Forest. Remember that game? Probably not. But I do, and I have THOUGHTS.
Genesis Does What Nintendon't... Or Does It?
So, the premise. It's... well, it's Sonic. But it's Mario. On a Genesis. Let that sink in for a minute.
I know what you're thinking. "Blasphemy!" And yeah, maybe it is. But hear me out.
The Unpopular Opinion Zone
Here's my unpopular opinion: Somari isn't completely terrible. There! I said it!
Look, it's clearly a bootleg. A very, VERY obvious one. But there's a certain charm to its sheer audacity.
It's like someone looked at Sonic and Mario and said, "I can mash these two together, right?" And then just... did it. With questionable results, naturally.
Somari's Strange World
The levels? They're familiar. Almost TOO familiar. It's like someone took a Sonic level and ran it through a "Make It More Mario-y" filter.
The result? A bizarre mishmash of speed and platforming. Does it work? Debatable. Is it entertaining in a "so bad it's good" way? Absolutely.
And then there's Somari himself. He's... well, he's Mario wearing Sonic's shoes. Figuratively, of course. He doesn't actually wear shoes. Does Mario even wear shoes? These are the questions that keep me up at night.
Guardian of What, Now?
The story is something about saving a kidnapped someone. A princess? Probably a princess. Every game needs a princess to save, right?
And the Guardian of the Forest? Honestly, I have no idea who that is. Or what their role is. Probably just a title they slapped on there to sound important.
I'm betting the actual "Guardian" is just some pixelated tree sprite somewhere. Doing absolutely nothing to guard anything.
Why I (Secretly) Love It
Okay, "love" might be a strong word. But I appreciate it. For its sheer, unadulterated weirdness.
It's a reminder that sometimes, the most terrible ideas can be the most entertaining. Especially when they involve beloved video game characters being mashed together in unholy ways.
It's like a trainwreck. You know you shouldn't look, but you can't help yourself.
Embrace the Bootleg!
So, the next time you're feeling adventurous, give Somari a try. Just don't expect a masterpiece. Expect a glorious mess.
Expect glitches. Expect questionable design choices. Expect to laugh. A lot.
Because in the end, isn't that what video games are all about? Pure, unadulterated entertainment, even if that entertainment comes from watching a bootleg Mario try to run as fast as Sonic.
Besides, who needs a good game when you can have a legendary one? Somari, you're a legend in your own right. A gloriously bad legend.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.
