Okay, I'm just gonna say it. And brace yourselves, because this might be controversial.
Verizon won't let me pay my bill.
I know, I know. That sounds insane. Companies usually beg for your money. But I swear, it's true (sort of).
The Great Verizon Payment Obstacle Course
It feels like Verizon has designed a fiendishly clever obstacle course between me and financial responsibility. It is like they are trying to make it difficult.
First, there's the website. Remember dial-up? Sometimes, navigating Verizon's site feels slower. I'm pretty sure I aged a year trying to find the "Make a Payment" button last month.
The App-titude Test (Spoiler: I Failed)
Fine, I thought. I'll use the app. Surely, that's easier, right? Wrong.
The app decided it didn't recognize my fingerprint. Then, it demanded I answer my security question. Remember that time I chose a "foolproof" security question I wouldn't forget and later forgot? Yes, that was about the name of my childhood dog.
My dog's name isn't Spot or Max and apparently wasn't Fluffy either. I lost that battle quickly.
The Automated Assistant: A Comedy of Errors
Alright, time to call. Let's talk to a real person! Wait…automated assistant, here we come! And I brace myself.
"I want to pay my bill," I said, enunciating clearly. The robot cheerfully asked if I wanted to upgrade my plan.
No, robot, I just want to give you money! Why is that so hard to comprehend?!
After repeating "pay bill" approximately 74 times, I finally got transferred. I got put on hold. The hold music was a surprisingly catchy jazz rendition of what sounded like dial-up modem sounds. I almost started dancing.
The Payment Methods: A Labyrinth of Options
Then, the payment methods! Oh, the payment methods. There are more payment options than flavors of ice cream in my local parlor.
Bank account? Credit card? Verizon gift card (do those even exist?)? Pay in person at a store that's suspiciously located in a different state?
I just want to click a button and have it done! Is that too much to ask?
My Unpopular Opinion (Probably)
Here's where I get controversial. Maybe, just maybe, Verizon secretly enjoys this. Perhaps, they find amusement in my struggles.
Perhaps, they are testing us all. They're testing our patience and our problem-solving skills.
Or maybe, they just need a better user interface designer. Either way, I'm starting to think paying my bill is a competitive sport.
And you know what? I'm strangely determined to win. Wish me luck.
I need to go find my childhood pet and remember its name again. I need to win this time.
Wish me luck. I'll need it.
