Okay, folks, confession time. I spent a week living like the vampires from What We Do In The Shadows. Yes, you read that right. It was… an experience.
Monday: The Wardrobe Challenge
First hurdle: the clothes. Forget jeans and t-shirts. Think velvet, lace, and lots of black. My closet looked like a goth convention exploded.
My unpopular opinion? Velvet is itchy. Very, very itchy.
I ended up raiding my grandma's attic. Score! A slightly musty, but surprisingly stylish, Victorian-era shawl.
Tuesday: Bat Form Fails
Trying to turn into a bat? Yeah, that didn't happen. Turns out, shifting your molecular structure is harder than it looks.
I did flap my arms a lot. My neighbors definitely think I'm weird now.
Instead, I settled for wearing a cheap bat mask I found at the dollar store. Stylish, right?
Wednesday: Hypnotism Attempts
Time to try hypnotism. I attempted to convince my cat to do my taxes.
Result? He just glared at me and batted my glasses off my face. Cats. Always so resistant.
Maybe I need more practice. Or a less judgmental feline overlord.
Thursday: The Garlic Debacle
Garlic is the enemy, apparently. As someone who puts garlic on EVERYTHING, this was tough.
I tried. I really did. But pasta without garlic? Sacrilege!
I snuck a little in. Don't tell Nandor.
Friday: Avoiding Sunlight
Staying out of the sun? Not a problem for me. I'm practically nocturnal anyway.
But even I need a little vitamin D. I just pulled the curtains really tight and pretended it was permanent twilight.
My plants are not thrilled.
Saturday: The Familiar Life
Being a familiar seemed like a mixed bag. Errands, cleaning, and listening to vampire whines? No thanks.
I made my husband pretend to be my vampire master for an hour. He mostly asked me to make him sandwiches.
I think I'd rather fight The Baron than make another sandwich.
Sunday: Reflection Time (Literally)
No reflections? That's a weird one. I spent the day staring at walls. Very existential.
I missed seeing my hair. Is it getting gray? Am I developing wrinkles?
My unpopular opinion: mirrors are important for maintaining sanity. Especially when you’re trying to pull off a Nadja-inspired look.
Final Thoughts: Am I a Vampire?
Probably not. But I did learn a few things. Like, velvet is not my friend. And garlic is life.
Also, being a vampire seems exhausting. All that brooding and immortality. Give me Netflix and pizza any day.
Would I do it again? Maybe. If I could find a better bat mask. And a more cooperative cat.
And maybe if Colin Robinson wasn't around.
