The Great Carl Watch: An Unofficial Timeline
Let's talk about Carl. You know, Carl. He's been gone...a while.
Specifically, he's at military school. And the burning question on everyone's mind (but maybe just mine)? When. Does. He. Come. Back?
The Optimistic Estimate: "Soon!" (Maybe?)
Ah, the eternally hopeful among us. They claim Carl will be home "soon!"
“It’s just a phase,” they say. A phase that involves shaved heads and polishing shoes at 5 AM.
I appreciate their optimism. I really do. But I'm not buying it.
The "School Calendar" Theory
Then there are the calendar obsessives. They've consulted the military school's website. Several times.
They've highlighted graduation dates, parent weekend, and even obscure holidays I didn't know existed. National Button Day? Really?
But even with all that data, it’s still just an estimate. And military school schedules? Let's just say they're more suggestions than rules.
My (Unpopular) Opinion: When He's Ready...To Do My Taxes
Okay, hear me out. This is probably an unpopular opinion. But I think Carl comes back exactly when he's ready to handle adult responsibilities.
Think about it. Military school is all about discipline, structure, and learning to follow orders.
Sounds like the perfect training ground for...tax season. Boom.
I’m just saying, when I see Carl happily organizing receipts and understanding depreciation, I'll know he's truly ready to return.
The "He'll Surprise Us" Contingency
Of course, there's always the chance Carl will just show up unannounced. A surprise visit!
Maybe he’ll be wearing his uniform and speaking in military jargon. "Permission to address the family, ma'am!"
That would be...something. But honestly, I'm half expecting him to rappel down the side of the house. Just because.
The Conspiracy Theories (Because Why Not?)
And then we get to the truly out-there theories. Has Carl been secretly recruited for a top-secret mission?
Is he learning advanced espionage skills? Is he communicating with us through coded messages hidden in his letters?
Okay, probably not. But a little mystery keeps things interesting, right?
"The truth is out there...probably somewhere near the laundry pile." - Me, probably
The Ultimate Sign: The Laundry Situation Improves
Here's my final, and most accurate, prediction. Carl comes back when the laundry situation at home improves.
Think about it. Military school teaches you how to fold. Like, really fold. Uniforms must be immaculate.
So, when the overflowing laundry baskets mysteriously disappear, and my socks are suddenly organized by color and fabric... I’ll know. Carl. Is. Home.
Until then, the great Carl watch continues. Place your bets, folks!
And Carl, if you're reading this, just know we miss you. (And your superior folding skills.)
Seriously, come home soon. This house is a mess.
