Ever feel like your dating standards are less a reasonable checklist and more a meticulously crafted application form for NASA? Yeah, me too. We've all been there. You start out thinking, "Okay, I just want someone kind, funny, and gainfully employed." Next thing you know, you're requiring a PhD in astrophysics, a black belt in interpretive dance, and the ability to speak fluent dolphin. It's a slippery slope, my friends, a slippery slope.
So, let's talk about those *standards*. The ones we swear by, the ones we secretly bend when a particularly attractive pizza delivery person shows up, and the ones that leave us wondering if we're doomed to a life of solitude surrounded by a mountain of cats (no offense to cat people, I’m just making a point!).
Let’s face it: figuring out how many people actually fit our dating criteria can feel like trying to count grains of sand on a beach. You scoop up a handful of possibilities, sift through them, and end up with maybe…one? Maybe none? It's a daunting prospect. But don't despair! We can tackle this. We can even make it kinda funny.
The Great Standard Audit: A Hilarious (and Necessary) Evil
First, we need to take stock. Let's do a "Standard Audit." Think of it like cleaning out your closet. You hold up each item (each *standard*) and ask yourself, "Do I really need this? Does this still fit? Is this from that weird phase I went through in 2008 when I thought wearing only neon was acceptable?"
Step 1: Write. It. All. Down. Seriously. Get a piece of paper (or a fancy spreadsheet, if you're that kind of person). List everything you're looking for in a partner. Be honest, be brutal, be ridiculous. Want someone who can build you a working trebuchet? Put it on the list! There’s no judgment here (except maybe a little bit if you actually require the trebuchet thing). This is your dating dream, bottled up and unleashed onto paper.
Step 2: Categorize. Now, sort those standards into categories. I like to use the following:
- Non-Negotiables: These are the dealbreakers. The things you absolutely cannot compromise on. Maybe it's honesty, kindness, a shared sense of humor, or a passion for rescuing orphaned squirrels (again, no judgment).
- Highly Desirable: These are the things you'd really like to have, but you could potentially live without. Maybe it's a certain height, a specific profession, or an encyclopedic knowledge of 80s sitcoms.
- "Nice-to-Haves": These are the bonus points. The things that would be cool, but aren't essential. Maybe it's a killer dance move, an impressive cooking skill, or the ability to parallel park on the first try.
Step 3: Be Honest With Yourself. This is where things get tricky. This is where you have to ask yourself the tough questions. Are your "non-negotiables" actually...negotiable? Are you holding onto standards that are based on unrealistic expectations or past experiences? Are you, perhaps, a little bit too obsessed with the trebuchet thing?
The "Non-Negotiable" Nitty-Gritty
Let’s break down the Non-Negotiables. These are the foundational requirements for a potential partner. Imagine building a house. These are the solid concrete blocks that keep the whole thing from collapsing. They’re crucial.
Kindness and Respect: This should be a given, but you'd be surprised. Someone who treats you and others with kindness and respect is paramount. If they're rude to the waiter, dismissive of your feelings, or generally unpleasant to be around, run. Run far, run fast. This isn't up for debate. It's a non-negotiable.
Honesty and Integrity: Trust is the bedrock of any relationship. If you can't trust your partner to be honest with you, what's the point? Little white lies might be forgivable (like when they pretend to like your questionable cooking), but consistent dishonesty is a red flag the size of Texas. Non-negotiable, end of discussion.
Mutual Attraction: Let's be real, physical attraction matters. You don't have to find them drop-dead gorgeous, but there needs to be *something* that draws you to them. Don't settle for someone you're not attracted to just because they tick all the other boxes. It's not fair to either of you. This is more nuanced, but essentially a non-negotiable. You need *some* form of attraction.
Shared Values: This is where things get a little deeper. Do you share similar beliefs about life, relationships, and the world in general? Do you have compatible goals and aspirations? Do you both believe in the importance of recycling (or, you know, something more profound)? Having shared values provides a strong foundation for a lasting connection. Non-negotiable for a long-term, serious relationship.
Highly Desirable…or Highly Dispensable?
These are the standards that are *nice to have*, but not essential. Think of them like the granite countertops in your dream kitchen. They're beautiful, they add value, but you could probably live with laminate if you had to.
Occupation: Okay, let's be honest. A stable job is definitely a plus. But is it a dealbreaker if they're still figuring things out? Maybe they're pursuing their passion, starting a business, or going back to school. As long as they're motivated and working towards something, you might want to cut them some slack. Unless, of course, their "passion" is competitive napping. Then, maybe reconsider.
Hobbies and Interests: Shared hobbies are great, but not mandatory. You don't have to love everything they love, and they don't have to love everything you love. In fact, having separate interests can be healthy. It gives you both space to grow and learn. But if they're obsessed with something you find utterly repulsive (like competitive thumb wrestling), it might be a red flag.
Physical Attributes: This is a tricky one. We all have our preferences when it comes to looks. But are you willing to overlook a few perceived imperfections if the person has an amazing personality? Maybe they're not your "typical" type, but they make you laugh until your sides hurt. Sometimes, the best things in life come in unexpected packages. Remember: what you initially deem “unattractive” might just be “unfamiliar”.
The "Nice-to-Haves": Sprinkle Some Fairy Dust
These are the little extras. The cherry on top. The sprinkles on the ice cream. They're not essential, but they make life a little bit sweeter.
Talents and Skills: Can they play the guitar? Speak a foreign language? Juggle chainsaws? These are all cool skills to have, but they're not going to make or break a relationship. Unless, of course, you're planning on joining the circus. Then, the chainsaw juggling might be a requirement.
Material Possessions: Do they have a fancy car? A big house? A yacht? Unless you're a gold digger (and I hope you're not), material possessions shouldn't matter. What matters is their character, their values, and how they treat you.
Travel Experience: Have they been to exotic locations and experienced different cultures? It's definitely interesting and can make for great conversation. But it doesn't make them a better person. Someone who's never left their hometown can be just as kind, intelligent, and compassionate as someone who's traveled the world.
So, How Many People Actually Fit the Bill?
Okay, now for the big question. After all this soul-searching and standard-analyzing, how many people actually meet your criteria? The answer, unfortunately, might be less than you'd hoped. But that's okay! That just means you're being selective. It means you know what you want. And that's a good thing.
Here’s the thing to remember: Dating isn’t about finding the *perfect* person, because let’s face it, perfect doesn’t exist. It’s about finding someone who’s perfectly *imperfect* for you. Someone who complements you, challenges you, and makes you a better person.
If your standards are so high that no one can meet them, it might be time to re-evaluate. Are you being realistic? Are you holding onto unrealistic expectations? Are you letting fear or past experiences dictate your choices?
But if you've honestly assessed your standards and you're still struggling to find someone who fits the bill, don't give up hope. Keep putting yourself out there. Keep meeting new people. Keep being open to possibilities. The right person is out there, somewhere. Maybe they're not exactly what you envisioned. Maybe they don't have that PhD in astrophysics or that black belt in interpretive dance. But maybe they have something even better. Maybe they have a heart of gold, a wicked sense of humor, and a burning passion for rescuing orphaned kittens. And maybe, just maybe, that's all you really need.
And remember: You're awesome. You're worthy of love and happiness. Don't settle for anything less than you deserve. Even if it takes a little longer to find it. And if all else fails, there’s always the trebuchet… just kidding (mostly!).
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